I Hate Everything
by SliverOfHope
Summary: "No one could ever be happy. Never. If I couldn't, it wasn't possible. I've proven that." Rated T for swearing & suicidal thoughts. PreciousMetalShipping. Ch. 2 up! Complete!
1. I Hate Everything

**POV**: 1st person, Silver's  
**Shipping**: PreciousMetal/HunterShipping(s)  
**Disclaimer**: Don't own, don't sue.

This comes from Draikinator's comic strip, Hate, over on deviantart. And then I added the end in myself. Hopefully it gets the emotions across and it doesn't suck! XD If you want the links to the 6 pages of the comic strip, leave a review asking for them and I'll send 'em to you in a response!  
For the record, I was listening to Airplanes by B.O.B and Hayley Williams while typing it. So play it, it'll go well. ^^

Anyway, drop a review! PLEASE! 8D

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**I hate everything.**

The sirens wail as I run. The sound piercing my ears, giving me a horrible, awful headache. I don't care; I just have to get out of here. I clutch my new Totodile closer and duck away from the lights, the sirens, and the uniforms. I pant, and then bite my fist, trying to quiet myself. Totodile doesn't utter anything. It just gives me a sad, sad look. I don't have the strength to glare, let alone keep my sobs silent. _This is too much, too fast, too soon, no… no…. __**NO**__!_

The sirens quiet a bit, and I take off again, far away, hopefully. I'm almost long gone, but a kid around my age stops me with his cotton candy smile and sunshine bright outfit.

_If only I had kept going…_

**I hate everything.**

I hate the television. I hate it so much. I hate the inane news stories. I hate the commercials. I hate the fakeness of television in general. No one could ever be happy. Never. If I couldn't, it wasn't possible. I've proven that.

So why is Gold on TV, smiling and grinning and giggling about becoming something that I have always wanted to be? Why doesn't it look fake and staged? Wasn't it all just staged bullshit? Why? Why? WHY?

…

The soup I'm given burns my nostrils, it's so retched. I don't care, I'm hungry, but I can't wipe the sad, betrayed expression off my face as I listen to Gold talk about being the new champion… about Gold being stronger than me.

I have trouble swallowing as I try not to cry.

**I hate everything.**

I've never been able to beat him. No matter how hard I try, it's never enough. Even if Totodile has evolved, it doesn't make a difference whether I have the type advantage or am the higher level, none if it matters. So why did I learn that the hard way?

And the thing I hate the most is how happy Gold and his Pokémon look after they defeat me and how it isn't arrogant or cruel or condescending, it's just elation and a quiet pride that he tones down as he comes to collect his prize money from me. He always grips my hands in his warm ones and fixes a blinding smile on his face and tells me how wonderful and elegant I am in battle. I never believe him. How can I if he takes joy in beating me every time? _Every. Time._

I hate that he's so happy, but in all honesty, it confuses me. Sure he's happy after a battle, but he's happy before one, too, even if I insult him and push him around, he just smiles at me stupidly.

_Is this a trick?_

**I hate everything.**

Sneasel needs help immediately. We'd been training and then were attacked by angry Fearow. There was nothing I could do aside watch as my Pokémon got destroyed by them. As soon as they'd left, I'd gathered Sneasel up in my arms, flinching when it cried out in pain and as a stream of crimson blood stained my jacket. I didn't care. Right then, Sneasel's life was more important.

Now, we've been walking took too long, but we finally find a Pokémon center. I walk up to the sidewalk only to stop halfway to the door. A closed sign laughs at my face, mocking my weakness, my pain. My face grows hot and it starts to rain, making my face wet. No, tears start to fall, landing on Sneasel's battered body. It purrs once and falls limp in my arms. There's nothing I can do to heal it other than use a potion. It's too weak, but Sneasel falls asleep soon after. I sit down in front of the closed doors and sob, feeling hopeless and despairing.

_Why me?_

**I hate myself.**

This is it. It's too much to take. I've lost my dreams, countless battles, my family, and I've never had friends. I have nothing to live for.

Mount Silver, my namesake, is freezing, but I don't care. I simply release my Crobat, handing it my belt with my Pokéballs and my bag, pointing to somewhere in the distance where it can go to be safe and happy. _Without me._ I turn away as Crobat cries out sadly. I tell it to leave and hurry the hell up. I hear wings and then... nothing. Crobat is gone... it doesn't need a weakling like me for a trainer.

I walk to the edge of the cliff, peering over into the gloom. I can't see the end. Good, something long, slow, and terrifying. Arceus knows I _deserve_ it. My foot lifts into open air, a strong gust of wind pushing me the rest of the way over. I start to fall.

Happiness was never for me, anyway.

**But you don't.**

I jerk suddenly as I feel my jacket stop moving, choking air out of me. I flail for a minute before I'm pulled up and back onto the mountain cliff. I cough, letting air fill my lungs before I turn and fix a hard glare on… Gold. He's smiling, softly, just as he always does around me, and I notice that it's not as forced as when he's being interviewed or talked to by a fan. I wonder why.

I open my mouth to ask how he got here, but I see my Crobat, flapping aginst the current, grinning like a maniac and I know. I want to ask what Gold is doing here and why he came to save me of all people, but before I can, he opens his arms, his eyes kind and smile growing. I fall into them of my own free will. They're warm, and comforting, and friendly, and nice, and I never want to leave. Gold hums into my ear and whispers my name softly. It's almost lost in the wailing of the wind, but I can hear it, his sweet breath surrounding me. I sigh, willing tears away. No tears because I'm sad, but because for once in my life, I'm happy.

And I don't hate anything.


	2. I'm Okay

**A/n: **Finally! Here it is! Da da da daaaaaaa~ :D I'm so glad I have this done! It took forever and a rough draft to finally be proud of the final product, but here it is. :D Thank you to everyone who kicked my butt and made me get down to business to write this. v_v You're all wonderful and I wuv yoo alllll! ;w; ~cuddles for everyone~ Please enjoy!  
**Pairing:** Silver/Gold 3  
**Rating:** K+ (for this chapter)  
**Warnings:** None. :D  
**Extra:** Gold's mom is in here! :'D She's a lovely lady and characterizing her as such makes me feel warm and fuzzy.  
Thanks to Draikinator on deviantart for creating the original comic that inspired these two stories. You are truly fabulous!

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**I'm okay.**

Waking up in a house I don't truly recognize is befuddling at first. My eyes open and I realize that, no, I recognize this room; the lightly painted walls, the plush carpet, the white curtains waving in the wind. My brain is reeling, trying to think about what happened not too long ago. Was it the night before? I don't know. I can't remember.

I look around, trying not to panic. I find Sneasel blinking at me, assessing my terror. Seeing my Pokémon calms me, soothes me. _Where am I? It feels like… __**home.**_

Warmth and comfort. The feel of home. It smells like Gold. As I lift my eyes from Sneasel, honey eyes and a sunshine smile greet me, and without noticing, a shy grin creeps onto my face. Just then, I realize that I'm okay.

Just then, I realized that I was home.

**I'm okay.**

Breakfast. It is my first meal in two days. The oatmeal and pecha berries are sweet and sugary, fueling my body. Gold is still sunshine smiles and honey eyes. They pierce through the layer of thick, black, dark that I use to guard myself against others. I can't fight it. Though, I don't know if I want to anymore. He's too nice, too welcoming, too comforting.

His mother. My mother. It doesn't matter. It's mom. There is no other separation. For once, I feel like I belong. She has kind eyes and a big heart, and I can't help but feel … safe. For once, I know I will be okay.

My eyes mist over, and mom gives me a curious look. She smoothes my hair down and whispers "Welcome home, honey. Would you like more berries?" The tears fall and I nod. She kisses me on the head, patting me once more before heading off to the kitchen.

Gold grips my hand tight in a supportive and loving motion that sends exultant feelings flooding through my worn body.

**I'm okay.**

I haven't felt hate for a while now. I've been with Gold for what seems years, when in reality, it's only been a few weeks, and his good graces seem to be rubbing off of my team and I.

Crobat grins wider than ever. Feraligatr grumbles laughs. Sneasel snickers. Alakazam hides guffaws behind spoons. Gengar's sinister smiles seems kinder, and even Magneton has found a way to make electric laughs that sound like firecrackers with a bad case of static electricity.

I wonder why we seem so blissful. We've never been this way before. It's always been like this: battle, win, obtain prize money, buy food and a blanket, find a place to camp, survive. Now it seems so free and easy. It's like sitting in a small boat on a gentle river as it rocks the riders in a soothing motion while the sunshine beams down to warm them. Poetic, isn't it?

I suppose my equivalent of that would be Gold's home, the boat, mom, the river, and Gold, the sunshine. _My_ sunshine.

**I'm okay.**

It takes a while, but soon I start to vocalize. It starts with Gold waking me in the morning, his body causing my bed to bounce roughly. The first thing I say to him is "Get off." _Get off. _How eloquent, but Gold simply launches himself at me, clinging to my side and cackling excitedly.

"You spoke!" The exclamation is directly in my ear, but I can't bring myself to tell him to quiet down. I simply nod, and the sunshine smile I receive from Gold warms me to the core.

I don't speak much. I mutter my gratitude to mom for cooking food and keeping me clothed like her own son, but that's mostly all. Mom and Gold don't mind. They're just content I'm not mute. I think they just appreciate the thoughtfulness behind my words, my own silent way of showing affection.

Though when mom tells me, "You know, Silver, honey, I love you as if you were my blood son, and I appreciate that you've stuck with us for this long," all I can do is cry in her arms. I say nothing. She has me speechless, but this time, I'm sane. I'm not breaking apart. I'm okay.

It was one of the few times afterward that I couldn't say a word, but somehow, Gold and mom would know what I wanted to say.

**I'm still okay.**

There are times when I feel like splitting apart, my seams collapsing and fraying, the building blocks of my sanity cracking and being pulverized. They are rare, but they hurt when they happen. Mom calls them anxiety attacks. She says that I don't need a doctor though, because I'm perfectly normal. I try to tell her otherwise, but she adamantly repeats, "You are perfectly fine, Silver. You just need a bit of love, that's all." I have no other choice besides shaking my head and tearing up at her compassion and kindheartedness.

Sometimes, when mom is away, I have anxiety attacks. Gold doesn't know what to do to stop them, but he can soothe them. All I can process is _fear, pain, _and _I hate everything_. I shake and I wail. The crying is the worst because it comes out of nowhere, and when it happens, it's wracking sobs that convulse my body and upset my breathing. I hyperventilate sometimes, and I can't catch a breath.

It's times like these where Gold will hold me, whispering over and over that I'm loved and that I'm safe and that nothing will ever be hard for me ever again.

And through it all, I know that I'm still okay. I'll survive. I'll truly believe that I am loved deeply and unconditionally.

**And nothing will bring me down.**

Gold sighs as I rest my head against his shoulder. Mom is humming a tune that sounds like home while she makes Sunday morning breakfast. Gold's Pokémon and my Pokémon are cavorting with Mom's. Their happy cries highlight the joyous atmosphere. The sun is beginning to rise, the oranges and reds and yellows illuminating Gold's honey eyes and sunshine smile; my two constants in the world.

It's a simple morning with nothing extravagant or ostentatious, but it makes me happier than I've been in too long of a while.

Soon enough, the sun warms my home and the rest of New Bark Town. I hear the wild HootHoot give one last coo before falling asleep while basking in the warm rays. Mom finishes breakfast: berries imported from Hoenn cooked into a warm cobbler with a cool glass of MooMooMilk. I chew in silence, watching Gold devour his in a matter of seconds before holding his bowl out and asking for a generous second helping.

When mom chuckles and goes to retrieve more food for her blood son, I take the hushed and tranquil break from parental monitoring to murmur, "I love you, Gold."

The sunshine smile that erupts onto his face is the biggest I've ever seen, and I never want it to go away ever again.


End file.
